The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries tremendous significance and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .

When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that many of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in urban locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its click emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Many gay males desire to discover out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

However, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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