The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .

But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. important link If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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